Karma’s best friend

9 47

“Guy!!! Who be that chic?”

I remember that those were the first words I uttered when I saw her. She practically made the party sounds stop for me; in fact, it was like she entered the hall with a halo on her head. It was even better that none of my casanova friends knew her. All the guys turned to stare at her with lust and all the ladies stared at her with envy. Just looking at her made me have an instant hard on. She was definitely ‘fresh fish’. The stupid dj immediately changed the song to Olamide’s ‘she carry front,she carry back’. As soon as we realised what he did, we all burst into laughter. I thought she would falter in her steps or at least appear embarrassed but to my chagrin, she was as composed as f**k! The girl was definitely meat for a god like me. I smiled and winked at her as she passed my table and she winked back! The chic was definitely climbing up my ladder.

I am a fine boy by all standards; tall, rich and above all, breathtakingly handsome. I too beliv mysef wen e come to woman matter. I kept my eyes on her for the next thirty minutes or so. I watched how she turned down men and boys alike. She just sat down on her own and was ordering for bottles of champagne while a stripper danced in front of her. I was a regular to the strip club and I had never seen her there. This club was almost exclusive and only the biggest people came here so I knew for a fact that money was not her problem.

A young man came to join her after a while and she got up and hugged him and they got talking. I was angry because he was too young to handle that girl. When the clock struck midnight, two strippers walked up to them and began to sing and give the boy a lap dance. I made a couple of inquiries and I was told that she had brought her younger brother to the strip club for his twenty first birthday and his first strip club experience. I was sure then that she wasn’t bred in Nigeria. No naija girl does stuff like that! I knew then that getting that p**y was going to be easier than I thought; *naija gehs too dey form. I had told the waiter to put whatever her bill was on my tab and I was waiting for her to get bored and go.

I had lost all concentration from what my guys were saying, all my attention was on the babe and the things I’d do to her. The waiter came to me with a piece of paper and I opened it to see how much she owed but what I saw was, “hey handsome, thanks for your offer but I gat this”. In fact, I felt like jumping to her table to hug and kiss her. I am a huge sucker for independent women and she had aced that department. I turned to wink her again and that was when I realised that my friends were laughing at me. I always believed that no woman could turn me down and prior to that day,it had never happened.

I walked up to her, introduced myself and wished her brother a happy birthday. The first question she asked me was, “are you married?”. I laughed and told her that I wasn’t and she was relieved. Apparently, most of the men that had been on her case were married and she wasn’t into that. That was how I met Nmasifon. We became friends after that night and I made her know that I was not cut out for commitment; sex was all I wanted. She turned me down and at first I was angry. I got over my bruised pride and plotted how to woo her, kpansh and run.

We went on numerous dates; events, weddings, movies and much more. I asked her to be my girlfriend after about two months but once again, she turned me down. I couldn’t afford to give up tho! Those goodies must be tasted, I only had to be patient. We went on numerous trips together, the best part of these whole thing is that she paid all her expenses. She hardly let me pay for things; I had to eventually resort to buying her surprise gifts just to boost my ego. Not like it helped though because she also bought me numerous gifts.

My rep with the guys was dropping fast because I still hadn’t told them about eating the cookie. I thought about lying but I knew that would be wrong. I started telling Ifon that I was in love with her after we were friends for about four months. She just smiled and said, “ok o. Time will tell”. I was furious but I decided to be patient still.

One weekend, I told her I was travelling out of town for a meeting but I was actually at home with one of my shawties. I had told Ifon that I would not sleep with another woman until she is ready so I had to play my cards right. That night, I realised that I was very uncomfortable. The shawty just made me irritated instead of turned on. I picked up my phone to ping Ifon and saw her that her pm read “when you know that you are being used but you play along anyway”. I felt like a punch had been thrown to my gut!

I pinged to ask who is using her so I could break his head. She just laughed and said she stole the pm from someone. I knew she was referring to me and I felt terrible. I paid the shawty who was no use to me and I began to think. I realised that I had fallen deeply in love with Ifon. Bush meat don catch the hunter!!! I was happy because there and then, I knew I had found the woman I was going to marry.

The next time we saw, I asked her to be my girlfriend and she agreed. I was beyond excited! When I asked her what made her change her mind, she just smiled and didn’t answer. I totally removed having sex with Ifon from my mind; I had stayed celibate for six months already so I decided to wait until we got married.

I took her home to my family and they all loved her. I couldn’t meet the rest of her family though because they lived abroad and travelled more than anyone I know. I decided that I’d meet them when I was ready to do a formal introduction.

I proposed to Ifon on our fourth month anniversary. I spent time, energy and good money to plan the proposal. I even gave the top bloggers in the country a hint so that they would be present to witness it all. I couldn’t afford to plan a proposal with almost two million naira and not have it properly documented. She had always said she wanted an open proposal and I was going to make her dream come tru. I hired an event planner, paid for the beach venue and plenty ‘oyibo’ things like that.

When she saw the bottled buried in the sand with her name on it, she turned and smiled at me. I pretended not to notice and I kept kicking the sand and walking. When I noticed that she had picked the bottle and removed the cork, I turned to her and knelt with a big grin on my face. Immediately, she started running.

I was shocked! I realised that she was probably shy because of the small crowd that had gathered. I stood up, smiled to our audience and went after her. As I was running, I noticed that my phone was buzzing. I brought it out and saw a text message from a strange number.

It read, “hahahahaha!!! The joke is on you,loser. You think you can waste my time and get away with it abi? You are a big fool! Nmasifon is my friend whom I begged to make you waste your time. I am glad I was able to make you waste your time almost as much as you did mine. I wasted five years of my life loving you and you dumped me like a used tissue. Enjoy your disappointment darling. I had fun watching you fool your self this past year. Oh! Btw, Nmasifon is a lesbian. That is why your charms failed to work on her. Have a miserable life dearie….I loved you but you were not worth it. It is I, Obiamaka Ugu (karma’s bestie)”.

With tears in my eyes, I looked up to see Ifon give me the finger before entering a car that zoomed off immediately. I turned to see the crowd gathered behind me and all I could do was scream. I couldn’t believe that I was played like a fool.

I flew out of lagos the next day to the post proposal location I had arranged for the both of us. I was wrong to have played with Obi like that but I never knew that my cruelty had turned her into a monster.

I wish …………….

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About the author / 

Patrick Jennifer

My name is Patrick Jennifer............ Talkative extraordinaire (aspiring OAP), Professional 'carer', Wanna-be writer, and I am sweetness personified.

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  1. October 6, 2014 at 2:06 pm -  Reply

    Watch out all u guys, if u just want sex, be telling me now o, so I can just decde whether I like u enough to stick around with just d sex or not. And if I fall in love, I’ll know its my fault and bear it. Then if life w ants to smile on me, u can fall in love with me too and we live happily ever after.
    Bet if you lie to me and play me! Aaaaaah! I get book for una. I’ll deal with you all, mark today’s date. *straight face*
    Nice one shughz

    • shughar October 7, 2014 at 9:02 am -  Reply

      LMAOOOOOO!!!! See ultimatum! Na so o….no time for iranu; this is 2014.
      Thanks hun

  2. femi October 6, 2014 at 12:33 pm -  Reply

    Chai.. There is God o.. What goes around comes around..

    • shughar October 6, 2014 at 1:40 pm -  Reply

      Yes ke….na so na

  3. Bamidele October 6, 2014 at 12:25 pm -  Reply

    Hehehehehe! shey na like this all exes go dey do abi?

    • shughar October 6, 2014 at 1:41 pm -  Reply

      Yes o….i think i should start the movement. Lol

  4. arnytah October 6, 2014 at 11:40 am -  Reply

    Eya…quel dommage

  5. Korlahjor October 6, 2014 at 11:19 am -  Reply

    Mehn…payback is really a bitch

    • shughar October 6, 2014 at 1:41 pm -  Reply

      A big one!

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