First of all, I am not a feminist; I hardly even like women. Ok, now that I have gotten that out of the way (even though it doesn’t relate), let me continue. I am really not sure why this issue is pinching me sef.
A few years ago, when I was much younger, it was the norm and so the prayer of every mother for her daughter to get married before the age of twenty one (ok, add one more year as jara). I am not sure if it was because of the grand children that they were expecting or it was the ‘social rep’. They wanted to be able to talk about their in-laws, grand kids and all that at work, church, the market and even in their covens (for the ones that were members -_-).
Fast forward to this era. First of all, the age before the kabashing starts is now twenty five. Mothers of this age are more ‘understanding’. If you catch one rich bobo before that age, nothing spoil o, just make sure that he has enough for the family.
Now, I am not against early marriage o. As a matter of fact, it curbs a lot of indiscipline especially in the case of the female child. Prostitution, sugar-daddyrism, fornication and others are vices that early marriage curbs. Lemme state here that this post does not relate to girls who were born with silver spoons or have no family responsibilities. This post is for the girls that come from poor or average homes and have family responsibilities.
Imagine a scenario where a girl was sent to school with practically all the money her parents could afford. She graduates at age twenty with a good grade and just after NYSC or during sef, she gets married. She gives birth a few months later and has a new family. Do you think she’d be able to give back to her family as much as she should?
What I really want to know is, why the hurry? I strongly believe that most of these smallies that get married do so because they want to feel among. It is not even because of their parents’ pressure anymore. I can not say there is an apt age for getting married because people mature at different paces but there I think you have to weigh a few things before you plunge in.
I see no reason why you should want to be a liability to some guy. He has a family too, after all. Even if he doesn’t have, you are enough of a liability biko nu. Don’t make the poor guy pay for your siblings’ education, your parents’ rent, your gramps’ snuff and all what not! Now, if you work for your money, that’s a different scenario entirely. I know that they say when a man marries you, he marries your family but that doesn’t mean he would kill himself na.
When your parents send you to school, I believe it is to make you a better person and of course so that you can take care of their needs as soon as you can. Why jump off to start your own family as soon as you deem fit? Truth is, some girls are responsible enough to do what they are meant to from their husband’s house but I think it is a minority. Once you start having kids, another era begins and papa and mama are no longer at the top of the scale of preference.
The reason why I chose to talk about girls in this context is because women are the ones that actually remember home. Even when they get married, they have to remember the husband’s family along with theirs. Men are really not bothered about things like that. Once they have the money, anything goes.
What I really want to know is, why hurry? Why don’t girls like working and catering for their families before getting married? Some girls will even leave their frying pan family to a fire family in terms of poverty. Why didn’t they learn a trade or something (since there are no jobs) before getting married? Why laden another man with your responsibilities? Why waste four (or more) years in a university only to be a sit-at-home-and-beg-your-husby-for-money woman?
Remember that this post is for girls that don’t have it all. Gone are the days when men used to love being the sole provider. These days, they like their women independent. When you think of your self without considering your parents welfare, remember that you would have kids too. How will you want them to treat you? Karma is still a bitch. Take care of your immediate family to the best of your ability. Marriage is no joke, sister. Make sure you are emotionally, physically, spiritually, ‘cooking-cally’ ready for it. While getting ready, make money! For those of you that are married already, all hope is not lost! Send money home today
QUOTE: “A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle” – Khalil Gibran