Opinions

The Girl Child; Much Ado About Early Marriage

26 6

First of all, I am not a feminist; I hardly even like women. Ok, now that I have gotten that out of the way (even though it doesn’t relate), let me continue. I am really not sure why this issue is pinching me sef.

A few years ago, when I was much younger, it was the norm and so the prayer of every mother for her daughter to get married before the age of twenty one (ok, add one more year as jara). I am not sure if it was because of the grand children that they were expecting or it was the ‘social rep’. They wanted to be able to talk about their in-laws, grand kids and all that at work, church, the market and even in their covens (for the ones that were members -_-).

Fast forward to this era. First of all, the age before the kabashing starts is now twenty five. Mothers of this age are more ‘understanding’. If you catch one rich bobo before that age, nothing spoil o, just make sure that he has enough for the family.

Now, I am not against early marriage o. As a matter of fact, it curbs a lot of indiscipline especially in the case of the female child. Prostitution, sugar-daddyrism, fornication and others are vices that early marriage curbs. Lemme state here that this post does not relate to girls who were born with silver spoons or have no family responsibilities. This post is for the girls that come from poor or average homes and have family responsibilities.

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Imagine a scenario where a girl was sent to school with practically all the money her parents could afford. She graduates at age twenty with a good grade and just after NYSC or during sef, she gets married. She gives birth a few months later and has a new family. Do you think she’d be able to give back to her family as much as she should?

What I really want to know is, why the hurry? I strongly believe that most of these smallies that get married do so because they want to feel among. It is not even because of their parents’ pressure anymore. I can not say there is an apt age for getting married because people mature at different paces but there I think you have to weigh a few things before you plunge in.

I see no reason why you should want to be a liability to some guy. He has a family too, after all. Even if he doesn’t have, you are enough of a liability biko nu. Don’t make the poor guy pay for your siblings’ education, your parents’ rent, your gramps’ snuff and all what not! Now, if you work for your money, that’s a different scenario entirely. I know that they say when a man marries you, he marries your family but that doesn’t mean he would kill himself na.

careeeee

When your parents send you to school, I believe it is to make you a better person and of course so that you can take care of their needs as soon as you can. Why jump off to start your own family as soon as you deem fit? Truth is, some girls are responsible enough to do what they are meant to from their husband’s house but I think it is a minority. Once you start having kids, another era begins and papa and mama are no longer at the top of the scale of preference.

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The reason why I chose to talk about girls in this context is because women are the ones that actually remember home. Even when they get married, they have to remember the husband’s family along with theirs. Men are really not bothered about things like that. Once they have the money, anything goes.

What I really want to know is, why hurry? Why don’t girls like working and catering for their families before getting married? Some girls will even leave their frying pan family to a fire family in terms of poverty. Why didn’t they learn a trade or something (since there are no jobs) before getting married? Why laden another man with your responsibilities? Why waste four (or more) years in a university only to be a sit-at-home-and-beg-your-husby-for-money woman?

Remember that this post is for girls that don’t have it all. Gone are the days when men used to love being the sole provider. These days, they like their women independent. When you think of your self without considering your parents welfare, remember that you would have kids too. How will you want them to treat you? Karma is still a bitch. Take care of your immediate family to the best of your ability. Marriage is no joke, sister. Make sure you are emotionally, physically, spiritually, ‘cooking-cally’ ready for it. While getting ready, make money! For those of you that are married already, all hope is not lost! Send money home today :)

careeeeeee

QUOTE: “A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle” – Khalil Gibran

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Patrick Jennifer

My name is Patrick Jennifer............ Talkative extraordinaire (aspiring OAP), Professional 'carer', Wanna-be writer, and I am sweetness personified.

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26 Comments

  1. theshaione June 8, 2014 at 12:17 am -  Reply

    “First of all…” introduction.
    U asked a lot of questions of ur folks sha…21questions stuff right here babe.

    Ok…

    Now, here goes.

    It is a thought provoking piece, but all the questions you av asked here are basically answered from Subjective POVs (or rather, can only be answered such).

    Will leave the ladies to answer the questions…

    • shughar June 9, 2014 at 12:25 pm -  Reply

      hmmmm. not all jor. lol.

  2. Aby Purpleheart June 7, 2014 at 7:22 pm -  Reply

    Hello Shughar! I nominated your blog for the Liebster awards…please check my blog for more info… http://www.misspurpleheart.com

    • shughar June 9, 2014 at 12:29 pm -  Reply

      yippee…………. seen. thank you

  3. elsieisy June 4, 2014 at 10:07 pm -  Reply

    Nice write up shughar.
    I don’t believe there’s a set age for marriage. Even though pressure sets in from various angles as the girl child grow older, I still believe it is strongly your decision and yours a lines when you finally decide to get married.

    Whether a lady gets married early or old. It doesnt change anything. Your person is all that matters. No parent will tell their daughter not to get married when it seems the right man is knocking at the door. No one will tell you, pls don’t get married, wait and work abit.
    I’ve heard people tell their daughters to get a degree or masters before marriage just because they feel her future will be more secured and she will be more matured for marriage.
    I agree that a lady should take care of her family when necessary and when the resource is readily available. But it shouldn’t be a yard to decide marriage or not.
    Young or old, we all go into marriage for different reasons.
    I think I’ll understand and agree better if you advice the girl child to be independent to an extent before stepping into marriage. I support that. But remember, what works for jenny might not work for Elsie.

    All I’m saying is, the age at which one gets married had nothing to do with taking care of ones family. Its a personal decision.
    Even the kinda family you tried to exclude also need their children’s love and support. Not everything is about money.

    Sigh* I Don type ooooo

    • shughar June 4, 2014 at 10:38 pm -  Reply

      No be small type fa. Na another post you do sef. Lol. Yeah, that’s what the post is about sha, not about an apt age because I certainly do not know which age is the right one. My one is sha taking up responsibilities last last.
      Thanks for commenting 😀

  4. ceejay clothing June 4, 2014 at 4:07 pm -  Reply

    Gbam madam shughar…. Dnt knw d rush for but also d economy may want 2 lead some 2 early marraige but jst get an income b4 doing dat so dat u can use dat for ur own parents and siblings nt killing ur husband with bills

    • shughar June 4, 2014 at 10:09 pm -  Reply

      Lol. These boys sef. Una no wan take responsiblities fa. Hehehehe

  5. barackoblue June 4, 2014 at 3:48 pm -  Reply

    Educative….i hope all d ladies can actually see dis nd learn 2 be independent. & for u guys too,dont always forget ur initial family.

    • shughar June 4, 2014 at 10:03 pm -  Reply

      Gbam! Thank you

  6. Dr Nwax June 4, 2014 at 3:30 pm -  Reply

    Yaaaay! Last to comment!!
    Nice piece, but it has a subjective outlook to it. What about young girls who aren’t from well to do homes, who struggle to finish school thanks to their struggling parents and as soon as u know it, they are hooked to one young dude who is willing and able to carry her burden. Are you suggesting she leaves the young dude to go and cater for her parents?
    Dr Nwax says so via Nokia 101…

    • shughar June 4, 2014 at 10:01 pm -  Reply

      Of course not!!! That doesn’t mean that she should be a liability though. That is a different scenario by the way. I mentioned in the post that those kind of people are not the ones I’m talking about.
      P.S- u are not the last :p

  7. Aby Purpleheart June 4, 2014 at 3:29 pm -  Reply

    Absolute truth, very well said!

    • shughar June 4, 2014 at 9:50 pm -  Reply

      Thank you very much

  8. Obinna June 4, 2014 at 3:17 pm -  Reply

    Some girls won’t even listen to dis..Dem go still rush go marry…Smh

    • shughar June 4, 2014 at 9:34 pm -  Reply

      Hehehehehehe. I just tire

  9. Anonymous June 4, 2014 at 2:45 pm -  Reply

    Yeahhh ,,,that’s the basic truth, wish some babes can see this..I dey your back @jjshugar

    • shughar June 4, 2014 at 3:06 pm -  Reply

      share the link to the babes na. lol. Thank you plenty

  10. anon* June 4, 2014 at 2:22 pm -  Reply

    Nice write up..considering the fact that it concerns mothers and not all mothers are “upperty and formal” ,ur diction is perfect.Dear Shugs, let your writing be purely based on the way you deem it fit. Let it follow your own rules and your order. Its ideal to welcome ideas but the it is better expressed the way it comes in.

    • shughar June 4, 2014 at 3:03 pm -  Reply

      hahahahahaha………Thank you very much.

  11. Ga June 4, 2014 at 2:17 pm -  Reply

    Well.. I hv no comment

    • shughar June 4, 2014 at 2:49 pm -  Reply

      Let me help u, “these girls ain’t loyal” as you always say. lol

  12. Anonymous June 4, 2014 at 1:41 pm -  Reply

    1.Why don’t you make your posts purely formal?
    2. You should put words that the dictionary does not recognise in quote and minimize them. (That’s if u’re going formal)
    3. Asides those observations, nice write-up. I’ve always believed in empowering the girl child, not a stickler for early marriages and shit, even when ur family has the wherewithal.

    • shughar June 4, 2014 at 1:56 pm -  Reply

      1. I do have purely formal posts, it gets boring sometimes.
      2. I actually put them in quotes and put them in italics. wordpress was misbehaving when I was posting this. I will surely edit it. Thanks
      3. Thank you very much. Lol. Early marriage sure has its perks, we can’t deny that.

  13. fragiletimbz2013 June 4, 2014 at 12:01 pm -  Reply

    Girls.. Una don hear am be that… No rushing..

    • shughar June 4, 2014 at 12:36 pm -  Reply

      lol. na really no rushing.

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