After a very long and stressful academic sojourn spanning 7-8 years (courtesy ASUU strike), the time was ripe and nigh for me to embark on a long awaited and very necessary vacation (change of environment, to say the least). Well, while most people would have favoured going abroad (those who can afford it) to escape the madness, hassle and rustle of an average Nigerian life encumbered with situations hampered by so many known and unknown ‘Nigerian Factors’, I decided to spend my vacation in Lagos, the epicentre of Nigerian madness.
Upon my arrival in Lasgidi, everywhere was new, for I had not been to Lagos for well over 9 years. Well, I got down to business as soon as possible, visiting friends and hanging out. I came to understand the reality of life in Lagos, which was way different than what was obtainable back home in the ancient city of Benin. The traffic, oh the traffic in Lagos is mad (there is no way I could ever get used to that), well that’s another topic for another day.
One of the most memorable events that I experienced was visiting a Strip club, yes, a strip club!!! It was memorable because I actually lost ‘my never being to a strip club’ virginity’ lol! So my hyper active cousin takes me to this club along Festac. Upon our arrival, the atmosphere was laden with the smell of burning cigarettes and suya, the beats of the loud music can be heard miles away, people were gathered outside; sitting on set tables with booze indicating how far spent they have been, girls of different shapes and sizes clad or would I say unclad walking around in skimpy dresses placing seducing adverts…. pretty seducing to actually make me lose concentration and almost hit a bar maid serving drinks. Well, glad I did not hit her, because I only had just enough money to spend on my profligacy.
My cousin leads me into a building, where we are met by two not so sexy bouncers, arguing in Yoruba. We pay the entrance fee and further make our way into a dimly lit hall with disco lights (the type that can induce photo epilepsy in susceptible individuals), stainless steel poles and girls both nude and semi-nude. I was bewildered but I was able to find my way around by the time we got in. I looked for a very vantage position, where I could see everything (40 mega pixel things), every detail (I changed seats at a point). I didn’t know where my cousin was again, I partially cared at that point.
From my observation, there were five girls dancing but one was on the stage with the pole strutting her stuff. From what I could see, she was enticing, with a body similar to Genevieve (ok, maybe I’m over-exaggerating), the way she handled the pole made me wonder how well she’ll handle a man’s pole! She twisted and turned like all them Olympic gymnasts, never losing her balance, especially when she swungwirled (swung and swirled) around the pole. Damn!!! She exhibited some Spiderman shii right there! She was nude by now, with only a thong on, which she later pulled seductively and she swungwirled again, revealing her dignity in its peculiar shape! Mind you I was very composed, very composed (of course I’ve seen nude ladies before, not like it was my first time, but it was my first time to see more than one nude lady in a room).
There were two other ladies there; one petit and the other oversized (not a pretty sight to behold). I quickly nicknamed her le fat stripper. She had small titties compared to her size and while she was dancing she twarked (Yoruba pronunciation of twerk). It wasn’t a sight to behold; she almost spoilt my memory of the Genevieve like dancer. I quickly changed glances, by then it was almost too late, for she was about finishing her routine. Bollocks!
Well, reprieve came in the way of the next dancer, petite in stature but blessed with a good behind. She wasn’t too teasing like the first, she took too long to reveal her goodies, but it was worth the wait. Her acrobatic display would make you think if she was the stunt double for Spiderman or a retired gymnast who never had the chance to represent Nigeria at the Olympics. Her moves were swift like that of Messi, but adept at control and smooth like Pirlo. She not only held the pole like her life depended on it, she caressed it, she teased it to the extent one would wish he was the pole (not I Caesar, not I).
At this point, my cousin located me and offered to pay for a lap dance for me, as per welcome to Lagos things. At first, I hesitated and then I was like………
To be continued tomorrow…… right here.
Written by @iam_xavian.