I am sorry for the hiatus (shughar knows a few big words. hehehe). Please ehn, I won’t promise that it won’t happen again because I’d be lying. All I can say is, I promise to always make the wait worth it. Thank you for understanding :*
Today I am starting a series that I have been postponing for a while now. It was a series that held in my church in October. I just had to share with you guys. I added a few tips of my own sha, to explain some points. Now, while this is a relationship series, it is not for everyone. Well, in the long run, it is for everyone but if you know deep in your heart that le boo is not going to be the final boo, read this series with the ‘final boo’ in mind. Wait o, why are you dating someone that you do not see a future with? If you are sixteen years old, I understand but if you are in your twenties, please; grow up!
Seriously though, I wrote this with serious minded, adults in mind. So, if you are one…..enjoy.
NOTE: A single person is a ‘whole that stands for itself‘. A defective single produces a bad marriage.
Please, note that in this post, a single person means an unmarried person. Even if you are engaged, you are still single for the purpose of this post(s)
Four Signs Of Being A Single Person.
- You are whole- If you need a man or a woman to complete you, you are not single.
You are enjoying life by yourself- You have to make yourself better. You should be looking for someone to share the enjoyment with you.
You are not needy- if not when you are eventually in a relationship, you will suck them dry.
You are an asset, not a liability!!!! (Remember that I wrote about this a while ago. Please, read it here if you haven’t done that).
Signs Of People That Are Not Single
- They have emotional baggage- Always moody. Biko, loving you shouldn’t be a task, do not stress the person.
They blame others for their sadness- Remember that when you keep blaming others for your failures, you can’t change them.
They see marriage as some sort of redemption or answer- Like, really?????? How can you be that shallow?
They deny their emotions- Mhen, self denial is a terrible something, I am sure you all know that.
They think about marriage with a consumer’s mentality, not a contributor’s mentality- This is my best point!!! Some people just want to get married so that they will have a provider, a personal driver, a personal sex thing, a personal cook, a personal stripper….wetin????? Do you ever think of what you can bring to the marriage? Do you ever think of developing yourself so that you can be a ‘better half’? If you answered No, then you are a consumer; a blady shark!
Consumers are the girls that have one than one boyfriend, just because. They believe that one man is not enough for them. They need Akin for his car, Emeka for his money, Alhaji for his connection, Tijani for his kini -_-
Dealing With Expectations
Sometimes when we enter relationships, we usually have high expectations of others and low expectations of ourselves. Don’t forget that the other person might be doing the exact same thing and this will leave the both of you disappointed.
Expectations can be in different forms; beauty, intelligence, weight, sex, communication skills, cooking skills etc. You should learn how to adjust your expectations to reality; whatever you cannot accepy, you cannot change. The way to manage expectation issues is to talk about it(them).
While dating, you need to find out your partner’s expectations. Once you don’t manage expectations, there will be no understanding, there will be fights and of course, sadness. You both have to know your strengths and agree on them.
Let me just put down a few pointers that I wrote down during the teaching.
*Broken expectations is the number one cause of divorce- Do not enter a marriage with expectations biko.
*You should ask yourself if you can date you- please, be honest with yourself o. Don’t patronize yourself and end up wasting your time moving from purzon to purzon(person -_-)
When you get married, will you be a blessing or will you reduce his/her blessing? I don’t mean by being a witch o. Like my mother says, *”no be only who dey fly be winch”
*If you cannot love yourself, you cannot love someone else. #word
*To have good interpersonal skills, you must have good intrapersonal skills (let that sink in).
*Marriage does not make a person bad or good. It only brings the other person close enough to experience both sides. #word
*If he/she didn’t change to get you, he/she would not change to keep you!!! Now, this is for those of you that believe that you can change the other purzon. I laugh at you in Spanish!
Biko, no buy market when you no fit carry, even if he is Dangote’s son. -_-
*Marriage is ‘build to enjoy’, not ‘enjoy to build’- It is as you lay your bed that you will sleep on it. Those of you that are looking for ready made homes to jump into, go on. Happy jumping! Just don’t forget that the home was already made before you came, so you can’t expect sudden changes just because you came. It works for some people o, but you are not them. Even if the bobo is Dangote’s son, have an impact in the ‘building’ process. Invest your time, attention, money and everything you can. If you don’t build your home with him/her, someone will take the shovel from you and build a better home with a swimming pool sef -_-
That’s all for today guys…..let’s do this again tomorrow. Thanks for reading. Please, share so that we can help a relationship or a single person that needs to read this too. These words made my life better and I hope it works the same way for you.
I would really like to hear(read) what you think about this though. Do you agree with the points I’ve pointed out? Do you disagree? Do you have points to add? Are you a wholesome single? Do you have questions? I am not a professional but I can try to answer them. You can send a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @jjshughar if you don’t want to make it public. You can also comment anonymously, just subscribe to replies so that you will be notified.
Above all, please, subscribe to get mail notifications on the go. Thank you and have a fruitful week…. Much love! :*