Making marriage and relationships work: Twitter series by pastor Bolaji Idowu

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I love him but we fight a lot? We are always quarreling, should I break up?

I think I married the wrong person? She has really changed! What can I do?

When do you call it quit on a marriage or relationship? I caught him cheating.

As we start this session on #ADAMEVE, let us lay some foundation; good and great marriages have their moments of conflict.

It is normal in a relationship or marriage to have conflicts, which is largely due to differences in our background.

It has become common knowledge, that it takes more than love to make relationships work.

Why do relationships and marriages fail?

One, unwillingness to change. This is the refusal to adjust to the new demands of a marriage. Every relationship /marriage will come with its peculiar needs for adjustment; both parties will need to adjust to make it work.

Such adjustments might be a friday night out with the boys etc. The degree of adjustment will determine the success of d marriage.

Every successful relationship and marriage comes at a cost! Don’t be fooled! Love makes the cost sweet to bear.

Sometimes you hear stories of ladies and guys, who though are in a relationship/marriage refuse to adjust to make it work!

The resultant effect is a break up, it is just unfair, to expect your partner to change, while you don’t! It should be mutual.

Another reason for marriage failure is, expectation;, if you come into a relationship just to get, it will be short lived!

Everyone has a preconceived idea of what your spouse should be ans do, that is the ideal! A dark guy, who cooks & changes diapers, serves breakfast in bed, buys you a BMW on your birthday etc. or a woman that is a fantastic cook, great in bed and loves kids.

But in most cases, our ideal doesn’t match our reality. You have a choice to adjust your expectation, be a nag or be frustrated.

You must remember, the same way you have an ideal spouse, your spouse has one too, and trust me you are not 100.,

So if he/she has chosen to stay with you despite some flaws, you can also cut the fellow some slack!

Expectations could be tricky to handle, while some things are perfectly normal to you, it could be extremely strange to your spouse.

One of the key ways to make a relationship or marriage work, is to improve communication. Communication nurtures love.

When you don’t talk in a relationship, you can’t know or understand each other! Good communication makes relationships fun.

Couples that talk a lot stay together for a longer time than those that don’t! When things go wrong in a relationship, communication drops.

Communication is a lifeline in marriages & relationship, through which we can accurately share our innermost feeling &thoughts.

Right communication fuels passion in a marriage/relationship, as wrong communication kills passion in relationships/marriages.

When communication breaks down in a relationship/marriage, the relationship/marriage is at the edge of a total collapse.

4 reasons for communication in a marriage are:

  1. To reveal basic information about each other: (likes, dislikes etc.).

  2. For partnership: if marriage is a partnership, it will involve communication for it to succeed, how will you raise the children.

  3. For Conflict Resolution: issues and problems get worse when we don’t talk about them! Sometimes, people think saying ‘I am sorry’ doesn’t solve the problem it only covers it for a moment!

Talking helps to resolve issues and uncover potential damage.

  1. We also talk for CONNECTION: the object of this talk is just to connect emotionally; bring the other party into your world.

Have you noticed how long people that just ‘fell in love’ spend on the phone talking? You can’t help but wonder what they are talking about. Most often than not, they are talking to connect on a much deeper emotional level! When relationships grow sour, communication begins to die.

Either intentionally or not, you ultimately become closer to the one you talk to the most! Communication breeds intimacy.

Kindly send in your comments, retweet and invite friends to follow the conversation.

Kindly read here and here if you missed the previous episodes.

#adameve is a twitter series by Pastor Bolaji. It holds every Thursday from 4:30pm to 6pm

Follow @pastorbolaji or @harvesrtersng

Reposted from

QUOTE: “The single biggest problem is communication is the illusion that it has taken place”– George Bernard Shaw

I hope these posts help you as much as they help me.

Don't keep it all to yourself.... Share some sweetness!! ;)

About the author / 

Patrick Jennifer

My name is Patrick Jennifer............ Talkative extraordinaire (aspiring OAP), Professional 'carer', Wanna-be writer, and I am sweetness personified.

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  1. arnytah June 27, 2014 at 9:24 am -  Reply

    True talk…nice one pastor B

    • shughar June 27, 2014 at 9:30 am -  Reply

      *in pastor B’s voice* thank you, my dear 😀

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