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Hey!!! Get out of the friendzone!

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Hey dearies!
How are you? Today’s post was inspired by a movie I saw a while ago. First of all, the movie surpassed my imagination! Anyways, my man crush was in it so I expected nothing less (his name is OC Ukeje. Please, if you know him, send my heart felt crushes to him. Lol. Ehn, I know he is married).

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The movie was centered around a girl that was desperately looking for love when her bestie was actively and madly in love with her. As a matter of fact, everyone else knew but her. It actually made me think of how many people I know that are or have been in that situation. This post basically is to tell you how the friend/bestie/brother/cinema/sharwama/church/driver/alobam/fwb/moneyBag (etc) zones work.

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I know that some people believe that I am a zoner, please, ignore them. If you have been zoned by me, errrrm ….. Sorry, I have lost my key holder with the keys in it (-_-)

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Seriously though, how do guys get friend zoned?

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  • By refusing to accept the fact that she has a boyfriend whom she loves; even though you know that the boyfriend is a douche- See, girls have fish brains, we know. But, why will you be liking a girl that likes someone else? It’s even worse when they are an item? Oga, you bought yourself a one way ticket to the friend zone so stop whining. Stay there, like a boss!!!! In fact, this post is not for you.

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  • By entering the girl’s life as a friend. As in, you came by yourself and decided to be a friend. Ehen, she took you as you came na. The next guy will come as a toaster and na you go dey give relationship advice. Manage, na you find trouble.

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  • Some just find themselves there- The girls know their feelings but due to some situations, they decided to throw them into a zone. walai, OYO is your case. You cannot afford that market, bros, move on.

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  • By accepting to be zoned. You have been given green light, you dey wait for olokpa to pass you again. Very soon, e go enta amber, then na red finali My guy, you carried last….. Enjoy the zone.

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  • This last set of people are the ones that my heart goes out to. They are the ones that are deeply, madly, totally, hopelessly and thoroughly in love with the girl. The sad part is that she doesn’t know that you want more. To her, you are the “the bestest guy ever. And any woman would be lucky to have you”. Awwwww!!!! Too bad that she doesn’t count herself among women.

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I know that some of you are almost in tears now because you can relate. Don’t worry, there is hope (or not). The level of hope depends hugely on the type of girl. If she is the kind of girl that knows exactly what she wants and goes for it, that your zone-term might just be eternal. This is because if she liked you, you guys would be an item now.

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There are girls that are confused or easily swayed. These ones are easier to manipulate, they are the ones that cannot see when a guy is madly in love with them sef. They are the ones that fall in love with the players and bad boys of the world. They are also the ones that are in love with you and don’t know. These are the ones that you can get if you play your cards well.

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A few ways to ‘try your luck’
– Be the most dependable guy in her life. Ladies like anchors, simple.

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  • Make sure her friends and family know that you have feelings for her. Don’t go around denying your feelings o, ehen. These people will open her eyes to the truth one day.

  • If/when she asks you for advice and it relates to another guy, get angry. Like, throw a tantrum. Please, if the guy is Dangote’s son, don’t be a winsh, wish her well -_-

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  • Don’t act as if your life revolves around her!!! That ish is veryyyy annoying. Have your own life, biko

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  • Tell her about the interest of other women in you. In fact, ask her for subtle advice. Don’t do as if you are a player o, she won’t take you seriously. Make her know that your market is selling.

  • Take her out with another random female and pay more attention to her. Errrm, you should probably go with an arrangie so she won’t feel bad.

  • Send her flowers, cakes, notes etc; Not to toast her o, just ……because you can. Fill her brain with your name wink

  • DO NOT TRY TO GET PHYSICAL WITH HER!!! Except if she gives you the obvious green light to touch her, Bros, keep your hands and thing to yourself. When you do, you are sliding into the FWB zone without brakes. If you really love/like her, you will wait.

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  • Always remember that ‘what is yours is yours’. Don’t kill yourself over the girl. Take your time and be sure that you guys can/will work if she lets you out of the zone.

  • This may sound funny but TELL HER!!!! Most guys in the friend zone have never told the said sisi that they like her. They assume that they already know. The way you are assuming is the same way she is assuming. Clear her doubts; be a man and tell her.

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I hope you guys know that this post is for people that genuinely love their zoners. Not the smash and run niggas o; the real men that know what they want.

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That’s all I could think of jare, you guys know that I don’t know much. Lol. I honestly try not to zone people, at least I don’t lead them on(most times). Guys (and girls) should understand that you can’t love everyone at the same time. If she starts loving you all, you go say she be ‘ashewo’. Sometimes, y’all need a chill pill.

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Thank you very much for reading. Please share, drop comments, questions, suggestions and all in the comments box. You can be anon if you want. Questions can also be asked on Twitter @jjshughar or on Facebook (shughar) if you are shy. I hope you don’t mind the plenty pictures; they all made sense. Lol.

I have been zoned before and the thing dey pain walai. Have you been zoned??? Or are you a zonal manager????

Have a blessed day dearies…..mwah!!!!!

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About the author / 

Patrick Jennifer

My name is Patrick Jennifer............ Talkative extraordinaire (aspiring OAP), Professional 'carer', Wanna-be writer, and I am sweetness personified.

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22 Comments

  1. Korlahjor November 20, 2014 at 8:17 am -  Reply

    Chai..sugar na d main zoner wey I know…she zones @ an alarming rate and she sef know am..she fit zone 4 africa…

    • shughar November 21, 2014 at 9:14 pm -  Reply

      Na wa!!!!! Speak for yourself jare. That you are zoned doesn’t mean everyone else is na *tongue*

  2. Tope November 20, 2014 at 3:16 am -  Reply

    This is your best post ever.

    So have I been friend zoned?

    You bet but you didn’t tell us what we as girls should do abi you dey discriminate against us? Ko da o.

    I love your ending style. I see you are catching your lessons.

    Bravo. Good work.

    • shughar November 20, 2014 at 3:37 am -  Reply

      Yay!!!!! The coach has spoken. Thank you very much. I am a good student na. Lol. I noticed that it worked when I tried.
      Well, girls are the main Zoners so I had to help my gees. Hehehe.

  3. barackoblue November 19, 2014 at 9:59 pm -  Reply

    Friends with benefit lo sure ju

    • shughar November 19, 2014 at 10:15 pm -  Reply

      na so boys dey claim!!!! we know better jare. lol

  4. Einstein, of course November 19, 2014 at 9:13 pm -  Reply

    No one can friendzone you without your permission. jennifer slim, continue with your zonal managership…there is God

    • shughar November 19, 2014 at 10:14 pm -  Reply

      you think so????? Just be dulling there. Some guys have believed finish that i am their girlfriend meanwhile, nothing like that will ever happen. you might not evwn know until you are trapped inside.

  5. babaolowo November 19, 2014 at 8:52 pm -  Reply

    To be friend zoned is human, to get out of it is divine… I think we must ask Ida for a better way out because all this your long list ehn… let me share the perfect way not to get friendzoned at all.. define it from the start. a good example… I’ve been shiking this babe virtually and the first time we met, she was like with a friend and she and she went like “do you like her?” if u see the way I changed my expression ehn! I was like “sure I like her, she’s ur friend but I’m with u already, I hope her bf don’t get to know you’re trying to make her babe a side chick, I’m here becasur of you anyways” case closed sharperly..

    Don’t allow them to dull you.from the starting point… jara é. all those long process of trying to is no no, if you want to be just a friend,let it come with benefits

    • shughar November 19, 2014 at 10:12 pm -  Reply

      Gbamest!!!! As a bad, sharp guy!!!! but girls no dey fear God o. lmaooooooo. how she go dey play hook up-er? the benefits dey na; a wonderful friendship. lol

  6. www.secrat.org November 19, 2014 at 7:06 pm -  Reply

    See all these babes claiming zonal managers and later they will say guys are not available…okay oh. I have never been friend zoned and quite frankly it is beyond me how guys get zoned at our age (24+). Na the leg you use come go put you for zone na. I will get fuck buddy zoned before friend zoned…I rebuke it lol

    • shughar November 19, 2014 at 8:52 pm -  Reply

      LMAOOOO!!! When we say no market, we might mean no functional market.
      No dey make mouth o, these girls are wicked!!!! lol

  7. iceigo November 19, 2014 at 12:59 pm -  Reply

    Zonal manager. Stil can’t get enuf of it. Lol.

    • shughar November 19, 2014 at 8:59 pm -  Reply

      -_- i believe you are claiming your title. lol

  8. esibobbie November 19, 2014 at 11:01 am -  Reply

    Abeg abeg abeg. This matter if I talk nwachukwu and jennifer go beat me. But on a serious note if u genuinely love her a friendzone isn’t a terrible thing, it’s when u enter mumuzone that it’s bad.

    • shughar November 19, 2014 at 9:18 pm -  Reply

      LMAOOOO….Bia, leave me o. lol.Oga, dey deceive yourself. people dey be mumu inside the friend zone

  9. www.elsieisy.com November 19, 2014 at 10:26 am -  Reply

    Lol, nwanne my own zonning ehn….*whisttling* I gat this

    • shughar November 19, 2014 at 9:19 pm -  Reply

      Zonal presido, abi? lol

  10. DR Nwax November 19, 2014 at 10:24 am -  Reply

    Lools! Very apt piece! Zonal manager! That’s a new 1!!

    • shughar November 19, 2014 at 9:19 pm -  Reply

      you know i start new trends. lol

  11. arnytah November 19, 2014 at 9:45 am -  Reply

    Lwkm…so funny n true..I think m a zonal manager sha..*covers face*

    • shughar November 19, 2014 at 9:23 pm -  Reply

      because……fine geh. lol

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