How are you? Today’s post was inspired by a movie I saw a while ago. First of all, the movie surpassed my imagination! Anyways, my man crush was in it so I expected nothing less (his name is OC Ukeje. Please, if you know him, send my heart felt crushes to him. Lol. Ehn, I know he is married).
The movie was centered around a girl that was desperately looking for love when her bestie was actively and madly in love with her. As a matter of fact, everyone else knew but her. It actually made me think of how many people I know that are or have been in that situation. This post basically is to tell you how the friend/bestie/brother/cinema/sharwama/church/driver/alobam/fwb/moneyBag (etc) zones work.
I know that some people believe that I am a zoner, please, ignore them. If you have been zoned by me, errrrm ….. Sorry, I have lost my key holder with the keys in it (-_-)
Seriously though, how do guys get friend zoned?
- By refusing to accept the fact that she has a boyfriend whom she loves; even though you know that the boyfriend is a douche- See, girls have fish brains, we know. But, why will you be liking a girl that likes someone else? It’s even worse when they are an item? Oga, you bought yourself a one way ticket to the friend zone so stop whining. Stay there, like a boss!!!! In fact, this post is not for you.
- By entering the girl’s life as a friend. As in, you came by yourself and decided to be a friend. Ehen, she took you as you came na. The next guy will come as a toaster and na you go dey give relationship advice. Manage, na you find trouble.
- Some just find themselves there- The girls know their feelings but due to some situations, they decided to throw them into a zone. walai, OYO is your case. You cannot afford that market, bros, move on.
- By accepting to be zoned. You have been given green light, you dey wait for olokpa to pass you again. Very soon, e go enta amber, then na red finali My guy, you carried last….. Enjoy the zone.
- This last set of people are the ones that my heart goes out to. They are the ones that are deeply, madly, totally, hopelessly and thoroughly in love with the girl. The sad part is that she doesn’t know that you want more. To her, you are the “the bestest guy ever. And any woman would be lucky to have you”. Awwwww!!!! Too bad that she doesn’t count herself among women.
I know that some of you are almost in tears now because you can relate. Don’t worry, there is hope (or not). The level of hope depends hugely on the type of girl. If she is the kind of girl that knows exactly what she wants and goes for it, that your zone-term might just be eternal. This is because if she liked you, you guys would be an item now.
There are girls that are confused or easily swayed. These ones are easier to manipulate, they are the ones that cannot see when a guy is madly in love with them sef. They are the ones that fall in love with the players and bad boys of the world. They are also the ones that are in love with you and don’t know. These are the ones that you can get if you play your cards well.
A few ways to ‘try your luck’
– Be the most dependable guy in her life. Ladies like anchors, simple.
- Make sure her friends and family know that you have feelings for her. Don’t go around denying your feelings o, ehen. These people will open her eyes to the truth one day.
If/when she asks you for advice and it relates to another guy, get angry. Like, throw a tantrum. Please, if the guy is Dangote’s son, don’t be a winsh, wish her well -_-
- Don’t act as if your life revolves around her!!! That ish is veryyyy annoying. Have your own life, biko
- Tell her about the interest of other women in you. In fact, ask her for subtle advice. Don’t do as if you are a player o, she won’t take you seriously. Make her know that your market is selling.
Take her out with another random female and pay more attention to her. Errrm, you should probably go with an arrangie so she won’t feel bad.
Send her flowers, cakes, notes etc; Not to toast her o, just ……because you can. Fill her brain with your name wink
DO NOT TRY TO GET PHYSICAL WITH HER!!! Except if she gives you the obvious green light to touch her, Bros, keep your hands and thing to yourself. When you do, you are sliding into the FWB zone without brakes. If you really love/like her, you will wait.
- Always remember that ‘what is yours is yours’. Don’t kill yourself over the girl. Take your time and be sure that you guys can/will work if she lets you out of the zone.
This may sound funny but TELL HER!!!! Most guys in the friend zone have never told the said sisi that they like her. They assume that they already know. The way you are assuming is the same way she is assuming. Clear her doubts; be a man and tell her.
I hope you guys know that this post is for people that genuinely love their zoners. Not the smash and run niggas o; the real men that know what they want.
That’s all I could think of jare, you guys know that I don’t know much. Lol. I honestly try not to zone people, at least I don’t lead them on(most times). Guys (and girls) should understand that you can’t love everyone at the same time. If she starts loving you all, you go say she be ‘ashewo’. Sometimes, y’all need a chill pill.
Thank you very much for reading. Please share, drop comments, questions, suggestions and all in the comments box. You can be anon if you want. Questions can also be asked on Twitter @jjshughar or on Facebook (shughar) if you are shy. I hope you don’t mind the plenty pictures; they all made sense. Lol.
I have been zoned before and the thing dey pain walai. Have you been zoned??? Or are you a zonal manager????
Have a blessed day dearies…..mwah!!!!!