I could hear voices……distant, hurried, and panicky. I could hear a distinct voice, my husband’s. I wanted to talk, to tell him that all will be well but I couldn’t move my lips. I tried to pay attention and then I realized that I was on a gurney being rolled into a room with a number of people on white. ‘I am dead’, I thought. This is heaven and I was hearing and seeing the people I left on Earth, if not, why are my lips sealed? Just as I was getting ready to face my creator, I heard my darling’s voice, ‘Her lips just moved’, he said with so much relief. I smiled, or rather, did the best I could to move my lips and then I slid into blissful oblivion.
“…………Matron! She’s awake!!!” were the first words I heard. It was my husband who was beckoning with his hands and smiling at me with so much love. “Relax my dear”, he said, “the nurse will be here soon”. The matron came; she was a tiny woman. I was surprised because it was the first thought that came to me and I chuckled. She checked my vitals, told my husband that I was responding and told me that I will be just fine. That is when I saw my daughter, Esther, smiling at me. I tried to touch her and I realized that my hands were full of cannulas with blood and other fluids. My husband then explained to me that I was unconscious for the last eighteen hours.
Thing is, I have been sick since I gave birth to my last baby. When he was born, he came out with his placenta and this caused me a great deal of pain. My pelvis has never been the same again and this happened two months ago. My baby was worth all the pain and more and the support of my family kept me going; my six children and my husband were the best I could ever ask of.
I realized that a part of me felt numb and I began to panic. My husband, Dave, calmed me down and explained that the doctors said the complication made me paralyzed on the right side of my body. They later said if I became conscious; there was hope for recovery, as the paralysis seemed to be a temporary one. He also explained that my blood count was low hence the five pants of blood I had received.
I asked for my baby and was told that he was with my mother. I managed to talk to Esther and James, all the while trying to hide the pain I felt each time I moved my lips. It was excruciating! I prayed to God to let the pain pass as I couldn’t hide it for long. I later realized that a catheter was fixed in my privates. I was sad that all these were happening to me. I didn’t think I deserved it, no, I know I didn’t deserve it.
My husband took care of me, cleaned my body, cleaned my teeth, brushed my hair, and wiped me up every time I excreted or had the catheter taken out. He was my source of life; my inspiration. He was there to comfort me every time I cried out in pain. He never slept, I do not know how he survived. It was a female ward but everyone was accustomed to seeing him there. To cut the long story short, he was my body…..i was just my soul floating around. He and Esther made surviving compulsory and above all, easy.
This continued till the ninth day I was in the hospital. I woke up feeling better than I had in forever. When Dave wanted to bring the bed pan for me to defecate, I told him not to bother that I wanted to walk to the bathroom. He was happy beyond words as was Esther. I was glad I was getting better; I missed my home and my other children already. I talked to Esther and James and thanked them for being there for me and rendered blessings and praises on Esther. I even crowned my James, the ‘bestest’ husband in the world, a title he earned in the eyes of everyone.
Later that night I started feeling funny, my bones felt weak. My blood felt like it was being acidified. I knew that this wasn’t a good sign. I kept pretending to Dave and Esther that all was well. When the nurses came to check my vitals, they were confused, everything seemed to be wrong. I was given a series of drugs and injections to normalize my system but I knew they weren’t working. I kept praying that it wasn’t my end and luckily it wasn’t. Dave held my hand through the night and encouraged me and I told him everything will be fine.
Morning came with a different story. My blood count was low, though higher than when I was brought in. After a while, my body dint feel like mine again. I tried to talk to my Dave but I couldn’t. I was delirious; the nurses came and were shocked at my temperature. Dave was asked to go and buy blood for another transfusion. I wanted to tell him not to bother, that I wouldn’t make it but I couldn’t say the words. I watched him run out of the ward in pains. I wept and prayed for God’s mercy on me just before I went blank.
I woke up to see my husband screaming at the blood bank officials to please attend to him because it was an emergency. I wanted to tell him not to bother that I could now walk; after all I came to meet him there. I tried to call out to him but he couldn’t see me. I smiled and walked to meet him and started talking to him. I realized that he wasn’t paying any attention to me and I began to panic. Closed my eyes, opened them and nothing changed. That was when it dawned on me that I was dead!!!
‘No’, I said, ‘I can’t be dead’. I thought of my children, my Dave, my mother at home. Who will take care of them? Who will cook for them? Who will advise them? I asked plenty questions and got no answers. I watched my love take the blood back to the doctors. I tried to tell him it was too late but I couldn’t. I watched him fall down and weep when he got there and saw my covered body. I watched him try to console Esther. I tried to console both of them but I could not…… I just couldn’t. This was the beginning of the end and I could do nothing about it. I prayed to God to give them strength and take care of them for me, he just had to. He had to……………..
QUOTE: “When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for more time to live their lives over again in a diferent way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home”- Tecumseh
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