I am a victim of a failed relationship; we started off well. We saw places, went on dates, kissed on the streets, laughed at each other’s dry jokes, shared everything (secrets inclusive), and made sweet love. After a while, things changed. I thought it was just the stress of schooling, and that we’d make up for displaced moments. But nothing changed. It didn’t dawn on me that our relationship had taken a drift off the road.
It was one of those rainy days when I needed the warmth of a woman. And as usual, I went to my girlfriend’s house. I pulled down my boxers with one hand as I reached for the condom with the other. She wanted me badly, and I wanted her body. She had her hands on my nipple while I wore the condom. In all enthusiasm I thrust her; moaning and grunting as I slid in and out of her. I eventually climaxed, and I instantly stood up from the bed to discard the used condom and get my clothes back on. She lay on the bed covering her nakedness with the blanket while I tasked myself with punching my phone.
“Femi, what is happening?” She asked with caution. I gazed at her without a clue and asked her what she meant.
“These days you just come over and all we do is have sex, l-like I am some pro-prostitute.” She stammered and then went ahead,
“You don’t even cuddle me afterwards. Your renitence these days scares me. You now kiss me with your eyes widely open. Permit me to ask you, when last did we make love?”
Hearing those words made my soul drown in guilt. I just sat transfixed. That was the beginning of the end. When I met her, it was love at first sight. She still remains one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. We kept it going for a while, and then our love boat capsized; our relationship failed! I had problems of insecurity; she had so many male suitors. I tried to make it work, but she didn’t give me a cause to trust her (she kept them closer by the day). Things got boring between us; it takes two to tango, and so we started playing the game – hide and seek. I’m here trying to figure out why it failed, perhaps you might know. Why is it that the most adventurous, sweetest, and passionate part of a relationship is its creation? I mean, that’s the truth or do you think I’m mistaken? Isn’t that why most relationships fail?
I am not sure when I realised that things had changed. Was it when he stopped laughing at my lame joke attempts? I doubt that. Maybe it was when he forgot our anniversary. Yes, I think that was it. Actually, there were other signs which I was too obsessed to notice. It was our second year anniversary and I waited till 11pm for him to do or say something to indicate that he remembered. As a matter of fact, I took him out for dinner to ‘remind’ him but all he did was chat with God knows who via his blackberry. When I eventually said “oga, happy anniversary ooooo”, he screamed, hugged, kissed me and then apologised. He had a busy and depressing day was his excuse. I didn’t remind him that he could have remembered in the morning before the busy day started.
I started noticing the slightest things after that. I noticed how his phone suddenly became glued to his hands all the time. I noticed how he started forgetting to say anything about my appearance. My food suddenly never received compliments again. These are irrelevant you may say, but that was not the Femi I knew. My Femi was loving, caring, romantic, adventurous, wonderful and all that. As a matter of fact, the only thing we had going was the sex; the mind blowing sex. I am a quiet person and so I kept these issues to myself. I complained about the fact that all we had was sex. He apologised and promised to make things better. It actually got better, he started to cuddle after sex but he failed in every other aspect.
I started to tweet about my loneliness and I made a lot of friends. Ok! They were male friends and Femi was never comfortable with my male friends. Maybe in trying to make him jealous I took it too far, just maybe. Truth is, I loved Femi with all I had and I felt he was taking my love for granted. I know love to be a two way thing, or am I wrong? I gave him everything a girl could and it just felt like he wasn’t giving enough to compliment my efforts. Perhaps I expected too much. Perchance it was very soothing at first because love is always sweet and rosy in its early stages. Maybe I should have put in more effort to make us work; after all I knew he wasn’t cheating on me. Looking back now, I think we were together too much in the beginning and things just got boring after a while. I should have given him space and I should have insisted on some ‘me time’. That way, we would have valued what we had more.
It has been months and it still hurts. I love him still, but we made the wrong decisions and said our heart aching goodbyes without a fight.
Maybe I went too far by being over protective. It wasn’t my fault; I’m just the guy that believes the saying that “true love is jealous.” I was never mad at her for spending time with other guys, no! I started getting infuriated when she said I stopped giving her attention. For a very long time we patched things together. I will never forget the day I swallowed my pride just to make peace with her. I had complained about a particular guy she seem to be giving an equal attention to. I vividly remember asking her,
“Are you guys dating? Are you in love with him?” She just stood there ‘robotically’ – deprived of a single word. I was raged, and I screamed at her,
“Let me know where I stand!” Then she quietly countered, “He is my friend. We just connect.”
At the sound of the word ‘connect’, I lost my temper. Three days passed and I finally decided to apologise. We talked about it, and went ahead to make-out. As if God wanted to punish me, she moaned the guys name while I was touching her.
Tell me, if your girlfriend calls another guy’s name while making-out with you, should you give her a benefit of doubt?
And then I lost it again!
Yomide was his name. He was the major cause of the rift between Femi and I. My friends were suprised when we didn’t start dating after Femi and I called it quits. I still don’t know why either. He has been steadily hitting on me for months now. He is a very handsome boy and I have to admit that a part of me was attracted to him. I was surprised when Femi singled him out to talk about. Femi asked if I was in love with Yomide and I almost burst out laughing because the thought was ridiculous to me; Femi was my world. I kept quiet like I was deep in thoughts to annoy Femi, and boy, he did get mad! When i answered him, I simply told him that Yomi is my friend and we connect. Let me spare you the ugly details of his ranting. The only good part of this story is what it led to.
There is actually one funny thing that happened though. Femi suddenly recoiled as we where making out and I am still skeptical about what happened. I think I called Yomide’s name as Femi touched me. I am still not sure because I see no reason why that would happen. The sad part is that Femi didn’t say anything about what happened. He just kept calling me a liar. I didn’t push it because I didn’t think I was guilty. What did I do? Why doesn’t he trust me?
One would have thought she was going to date Yomide after we broke up, but it never happened. It’s funny how I let someone who was never going to matter ruin what we had. Now I understand it when they say “there is no relationship without trust.” I stopped trusting her; our conversations got boring. Our romance hit an anti-climax. I broke up with her on the 1st of April and she didn’t believe it. She thought I was fooling around. Even after the break up, we kept talking. I recall we had a chat about getting better as individuals and hoping to get back together. I mean, why didn’t I close my eyes to her weaknesses and capitalise on our strength. You have to give me some credit, it wasn’t easy walking away. I’ve missed her everyday since then; I miss her right now. But I’m ashamed to go back to her. I flunked our love to the dust of doubt. Just in case you’re wondering why I’m ashamed.
I was at the mall recently to see a movie, and there was this pretty girl that sat next to me. She’s a beauty; Tayo. And I didn’t hesitate to create a conversation. We got talking and after the movie, I volunteered to call her a cab. She declined with a simple and a veiled statement,
“My boyfriend is coming to pick me.” Wow, she wasn’t single afterall. She asked me to chill with her while she waits. I acted gentle and waited with her. While we were yet waiting a guy ran towards me in excitement and gave me a hug. It was Yomide, I reciprocated the hug lackadiasically.
“You know my boyfriend? What a small world!” Tayo quoted with a surprise look on her baby face.
“So this player eventually got a pretty girl for himself”, I thought to myself. And then I heard the line of my life,
“This is the guy I told you about”, Yomide said.
“Which one?” Tayo questioned.
“The one that broke up with his Shughar because of me,” he replied with a smile.
“You mean this is the same Femi that broke up with Shughar because he thought she was cheating on him with you. Wow!” and then she said it again, “what a small world.”
“You blew it man. That girl loved you.” She concluded; she wasn’t even there then. What does she know?
I was quickly woken up from my slumber by a familar voice,
“Hey guys, I’m sorry I’m late. It was this bobo that delayed me.” It was Shughar, and the ‘bobo’ was her boyfriend. Apparently, Yomide became her best friend.
I gave her a hug, and walked away in shame. Now I miss her more than before, but she’s already taken.
Written by @jjshughar and @fragiletimbzz
Femi Fragile blogs here: www.femifragile.wordpress.com
Kindly let us know what you think. Thank you.