Good morning and welcome to today’s episode of #adamandeve.
We will continue our discussion on making marriages and relationships better.
Commitment today is often seen as a negative thing. Growing up taught us to keep our options open and TRY to get the most out of life.
There is always something newer, bigger and better being developed or sold. What was once valued is now tossed aside without any remorse.
Commitment is viewed these days as something that limits us, instead of something that brings freedom.
Here is a list of some of the common fears, although this list is by no means exhaustive:
– What if I choose the wrong person?
– What if someone better comes along?
– What if it doesn’t work out?
– What if my marriage ends up like my parents marriage?
If you have ever found yourself in a situation where you were afraid to make a commitment, this list probably sounds familiar.
I will not devote time to discussing common fears but discuss reasons behind these fears and also how to overcome these fears.
One reason for fear of commitment is Hollywood. Movies and television today portray a very unrealistic idea of relationships.
In movies, we don’t see couples making efforts to work out their relationship. We see perfect a family.
This caused us to grow up with unrealistic expectations of marriage. We forget in real life there is traffic, house chores and so on.
We see a couple getting in a fight and next scene we see the husband out, sleeping with someone else. Hollywood has made this normal.
It leaves ideas in our head that if one person doesn’t meet your needs, just leave them and find someone else.
Also divorce is glorified in Hollywood. We grew up thinking since it works in movies it will also work like that in real life.
When faced with the reality of a situation that does not turn out like the movies, people become afraid of commitment.
Another reason for fear of commitment is PAST RELATIONSHIP FAILURES. People bring baggage from past relationships into current relationships.
No matter how happy their current relationship is, they have pain/fear associated with past failures.
People look at their current relationship in light of their past and wonder if they have what it takes to make a relationship work.
They see the way things turned out in the past and they are afraid to make the same mistakes again.
Related to this is ‘relationship burnout.’ Many young adults have had painful experiences. Examples are sexual abuse, date rape and so on.
Many singles who desire a close relationship find themselves incapable of trust and commitment.
Fear of commitment not only causes some to bail out of perfectly good relationships but others to avoid dating all together.
The general feeling is, better not to get too close to anyone; I don’t want to get hurt again.
They are afraid of being rejected. If last relationship ended in rejection, they wonder if the person they are dating will reject them also.
Dwelling on the past will immobilize people so that they are unable to move forward in the future.
When the past comes calling let it go into voice mail, it doesn’t have anything new to say. STOP dwelling on the past!
Not only are people afraid to commit to a relationship because of their past, they are also surrounded by failed marriages and relationships.
The real goal is to uncover the reasons for these fears and then work on eliminating the false beliefs behind them.
How do I overcome this fear? STOP dwelling on the past, let it go! Forge ahead and concentrate on your current relationship.
Let go of the pain, hurts and invest your emotion in loving your partner and being loved in return.
As a man thinketh in his heart so is he, we attract what we think. Banish negative thoughts focus on right ones.
The thought realm is the starting point of overcoming this fear. Catch it there, don’t let it grow.
#AdamandEve is a twitter series by Pastor Bolaji. It holds every Thursday from 4:30pm to 6pm
Follow @pastorbolaji or @harvesrtersng
Culled from www.harvestersng.org