Good day and welcome to today’s episode of #adamandeve. I am touched by testimonies from this series and how helpful this has been. Please do share, and invite friends to join the conversation and read this posts Fridays.
Today we continue our discussion on “Making Marriages and Relationships Better.
Our feelings don’t carry us to the right decisions; rather right decisions carry us to right emotions and positive rewards.
For a relationship to succeed teamwork is required. Both persons need to deny many of their personal wishes. SELF SACRIFICE must replace SELFISHNESS. If we lived in a world where people were perfect, marriages would hum along in total harmony, just the way it is suppose to be. But we don’t live in a perfect world and quite honestly all of us are affected by our tendency towards selfishness as individuals.
We can be selfish, mean, hurtful, bitter, arrogant and so on. It is no wonder husbands and wives struggle to get along. An I-Want-My-Needs-Met attitude in relationships breaks down the necessary spirit of cooperation. The negative cycle begins and it continues. This cycle continues until intimacy is lost and the marriage/relationship begins to crumble.
Let’s face it, we all need help to love another person just the way we must if a marriage/relationship is going to be better. Every selfish behaviour not only puts a distance between the partners but it also changes the course of the relationship and/or marriage
For a better relationship/marriage partners must be willing to sacrifice on all levels. Most couples don’t want to sacrifice due to past hurts, scars and wounds. To make marriages or relationships better, we need to let go of the past and forge forward. Nobody goes forward looking backward.
Another factor in making marriages and relationship better is TOTAL COMMITMENT. Commitment is a promise to be loyal to someone. Commitment is decision to have a great marriage regardless of circumstances or whether you think your spouse is doing his/her part.
Many build our relationships on feelings instead of commitment. But I have observed that truly committed couples thrive through storms. Commitment makes you focus on the good in your spouse and amplify it rather than condemning him or her. If you are dissatisfied with your partner, try this: for the next 30 days, don’t say anything negative about your spouse. Neither to him or her nor to someone else. Everyday, find something you appreciate and verbalize it.
Overtime as we do this our commitment deepens and we start seeing the desired changes in that spouse. Choosing to “do it until you feel it” is key because we often let our feelings guide our actions which is not suppose to be. We are designed so that when we love another person with our actions, our feelings inevitably follows.
We all have felt the “hey what about me?” syndrome. It sometimes sneaks up on us when we feel our emotional needs are neglected. Or maybe we have a Hard-to-Love spouse and we are trying to make things work, that’s when the ‘hey,what about me? syndrome hits.
When it comes or we are really tired of trying what can we do? Choose to make wise decisions. Don’t rely on feelings or emotions when the going gets tough. Our feelings don’t carry us to the right decisions; rather right decisions carry us to right emotions and positive rewards.
Commitment means making a choice to give up on other choices.We don’t like to give up options in life. Our culture screams at us to hang on. But great relationships are based on deep commitment dt casts asides all options but one.
In conclusion, everything that works is worked at and that includes great marriages or relationships. Thank you for stopping by to read this post, share and ask questions. Have a great day.
Copied from www.harvestersng.org
Follow @pastorbolaji @harvestersng
QUOTE : “To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get tired of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates which take a lifetime to perfect” – Criss Jami