Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. But what’s the best way to handle it?
Welcome to today’s episode of #adamandeve. It promises to be very insightful one! Do remember to share.
Today we continue our discussion on destructive habits in relationships and marriages
Last week, we examined nagging as a destructive habit.
Truth is we all nag about something; it only becomes excessive when you nag about everything.
How to cope with a nagging spouse?
Did you miss Part I? Here it is:
LISTEN WHEN SHE TALKS: For many relationships, nagging occurs because your partners feel you ignore her/her feelings/concerns.
Start by listening when she talks; turn off the TV and just REALLY HEAR her pour out her concern.
Ask what she wants. Your spouse might be nagging about the dishes in the sink when she is really upset about something else.
She might want you to take her out to dinner and the dishes are just how that complaint is manifesting itself.
Share the chores: If your spouse is nagging about housework, she probably has a point. Does she do all the chores alone?
Your spouse wants to be your partner not maid. She works too, so complaining you worked all day devalues the fact that she did too.
Provide constructive responses. Avoid telling her to stop nagging. Most women hate nagging as much as you hate them doing it.
Instead of saying she nags. When talking together, setting goals/making promises, provide her with some constructive criticism.
Say to her, “When you ask me to do something, I will do it but in my own time when you repeat yourself I feel that you don’t trust me.
DESTRUCTIVE HABIT – ANGER
Anger on its own isn’t destructive but what you do, how you react, is what make it destructive.
Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. But what’s the best way to handle it? First what is anger?
Anger is an emotion often characterized by feelings of great displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath and vengeance, explosive, angry outbursts.
Anger can have a useful purpose if listened to and leads to dialogue/constructive problem-solving.
However, anger can either create more anger or withdrawal, both of which interfere with effective communications.
Unbridled and unpredictable tempers interfere with emotional safety and trust when spouses need to engage each other on emotional issues.
The issues behind the anger get lost as angry response is perceived as unjust and unwarranted. It’s intimidating and controlling.
Some women compare living with an angry husband to living near a volcano. One lives constantly expecting something to go off.
How do you help/deal with a spouse who has anger issues?
More than anything, your husband needs to know that you’re on his side and that you’re not against him.
You need to communicate, more than you probably think necessary, that you accept him, love him. Even with his anger issues.
Separate the actions from the man; affirm the man. Make him know that you’re satisfied with him and willing to walk him through.
Appreciate Him; Don’t Nag Him. It’s estimated that upwards of 90 percent of men today are angry in their jobs to some degree.
Most of them feel fortunate to be working, but not satisfied. They feel less masculine because they are not in control of their lives.
Be a wellspring of appreciation for work that he does and for the living he provides, you will lift some of the pressure from his life.
Find many ways to say, “I appreciate that you work hard at your job and that you hang in there even when it’s frustrating and tough.
Also pray for your spouse, constantly and continually keep them in prayers. Soon your prayer will catch up on their behaviour.
Thank you for joining the conversation tonight. Kindly remember to share and ask questions.
#AdamandEve is a twitter series by Pastor Bolaji. It holds every Thursday from 4:30pm to 6pm
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