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Marriages or Relationships where communication isn’t a priority is bound to fail. People in great marriages and relationships put in a lot to make it great. Most people think all you need to have a relationship/marriage work is to find the right person – ERROR.
Relationships that work are combinations of mutual sacrifices and investment. Challenges are not an accurate test of right relationships.
The strongest and best of marriages are those, who had challenges, went through it and solved it!
Challenges in a relationship or marriage, can bring the couple together or break them apart, depending on how it is managed!
For those undergoing a tough time, especially the married couple, packaging your bags to go, isn’t your first option.
One of the benefits of good communication in a relationship is; even when there is a conflict, the platform to discuss is open.
Another benefit of communication in a relationship is; it breeds intimacy, especially emotional intimacy, where you become one emotionally.
There are certain attitudes that literally destroy healthy communication in a relationship or marriage and it’s quite unfortunate that most couples, even those married can’t discuss freely with each other!
Number one attitude that ruins communication in relationships is: HARSHNESS! This is when the talk becomes aggressive and too strong.
When a conversation is harsh, it becomes a threat and pleasurable, the tone of the conversation becomes very strong and demanding.
In a harsh conversation, caution to how the other party feels about what is been said is not considered! Phrases like are you blind? Can’t you think? is frequently used in a harsh communication!
When you talk harshly, your spouse most often will get upset and talk back at you or just shut down emotionally!
Hence, communication is broken! When a guy is spoken to harshly, it communicates to him that his lady lacks respect for him.
So he either shuts down emotionally or result in extreme cases to physical abuse, because men don’t have verbal power to compete with women.
When a woman is spoken to harshly, it conveys to her that she and her feelings are of no important value to you.
She feels that she is probably just an item in your life, without a significant voice to note! She will begin to doubt your love.
One of the needs of a woman is security (feeling of been safe) and care (the feeling of been concerned for, catered for).
When you communicate harshly to a lady, you bruise the two sensitive and emotional need point of a woman.
It is possible to talk harshly and not be unaware! it’s true that harshness is relative, depending on the fellow’s emotional tolerance level.
Something said that is not harsh to you, might come at me as very harsh!
Another communication killer is; SUSPICION: this is the feeling of distrust or the act of suspecting!
This usually occurs when you begin to draw conclusions and analysis of things that are not, from an innocent conversation.
In this case, there is carefulness in talking with your partner, because anything you say can be used against you in the future.
A good example: your partner talks about this new lady at work that had a crush on him and made certain advances at him. Two days later, he comes home late due to traffic, but you wouldn’t believe his story, you claimed he took the other girl out on a date. Or his phone rings and you ask, is it that girl calling you?
General rule, if I feel what I discuss with you will be used against me in any way, I will not talk!
The slightest sense of distrust caused by an innocent discussion will make one regret having open and honest conversations.
Piece of advice here, don’t be suspicious about you partner, except there is concrete evidence to be! You are not an FBI agent.
Accept discussion as it is and don’t insinuate that there are hidden details you have to fish for or dots to connect.
In summary, don’t make your partner regret been open and honest with you by asking prejudiced questions or insinuate facts that are not real.
Thanks for your time, hope today’s episode has been an insightful?
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